Accepted

I've gone on six job interviews in a week. Three of them were in one day. At each interview I've tried to sell myself while simultaneously trying to figure out if I would accept a position were it to be offered. It's taxing for sure. Even though I recognize that I am extremely fortunate and I will continue to do my best at my future interviews, I started to feel a little tired of being evaluated by a complete stranger based on what a paper says about me and my nervous answers to their general questions. There's something so humbling about trying to meet the unknown needs and expectations of someone who has the power to affect your life. You realize that you can't really know what they are specifically looking for and you can only hope that you fit the bill in order to be considered for the job.

On that note, my HH had  anxiously been awaiting word from a masters program that he had applied to a few months back. He was accepted! He was beyond excited and so was I. It will be a new chapter not just for him, but for our whole family and while I admit I am a little apprehensive about how all the logistics of raising a son and running a home will balance out with his new schedule, I am excited about how God will grow us through the challenge. There was a lot of pride and emotion in my husband's eyes as he realized he had reached this goal and he wanted to share it with everyone.

It's no wonder to me, when I think about our current circumstances, why it is so difficult for us (as people in general) to accept God's merciful and complete love without trying to earn it. Everything that the Bible teaches contradicts the ways of the world for sure, and this is no exception. Jesus says, I took the blame and punishment for you to enter into God's family, it's been done for you. But we want to earn this love and acceptance. We want to be considered "worthy" of it by doing enough, being enough etc etc etc. We spend our whole lives here on Earth earning degrees that say we are "smart", job titles that say we are "important", and reaching benchmarks to prove we are enough. The world drills this manner of thinking into our minds. Even in elementary school, we are earning grades, trying to reach goals set for us, meet the expectations of the adults in our lives and behave appropriately. All to be accepted. All to be enough. But God doesn't want us to approach Him with this mindset. He is revolutionary in the way He loves us. It is beyond our human understanding. Only He can reveal the depths of His love to us but we have to seek it! I want to say that I'm great at this but that's just our habit isn't it? I'm not, but I want to want to seek Him more everyday. And that's a start! I know He will change my desires and repriortize my life as long as I do my best. He does what we can't do when we are doing what we can do. Sometimes all we can do seems like nothing, but God looks at the heart and any effort is enough for Him as long as it's genuine. Thank God! Haha!

My hope as a mother is to ensure that I make my BB feel that he is accepted just as he is. I cringe whenever I see an expression on his face that looks anything remotely like shame. I know to some extent this can be a good thing because this is how we learn what's acceptable behavior and what isn't but I never want to make him feel ashamed of who he is just because I'm having a bad day or something. I worry too much!